I finally understood that losing my spark is a form of heartbreak.

The thing about losing your spark… It’s silent. Unnoticeable. It’s a slow burn, and often, you’re the last one to know. Are you really just keeping things on the low, or are you unconsciously letting yourself go?

Earlier in 2025, I was in my annual reflecting moment when I glanced over my hands – my nails were unevenly cut and at their shortest length. They continued to break, no matter how much oil and lotion I put on. There are also a couple of noticeable tiny wounds from the dry skin that I pulled. What a sad thing to look at… that’s what I whispered to myself.

My eyes then wandered, looking down where my exposed toes were – ulk! even worse! The dry cuticles around my toes were now visible with their white, crusty appearance. I could literally feel pain in the corners of my big toes because that’s what dry skin does—it digs into the corners – a clear sign that I badly need a nail salon appointment.

This is just one of those days when I’d silently ask myself — Girl, what happened to you?

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On other days (or nights) when I’d doomscroll, I find myself smiling while browsing my old photos, but it also makes me wonder: where is this person now?

Have you ever stood in front of a mirror, trying to figure out who this stranger looking back at you?

What makes it even more painful is that I lost her through my own choices that I would mask as acceptance or sometimes, healing.

It took years to figure out why I suddenly lost interest in the things that I’m passionate about. The lack of motivation and inspiration. I felt emotionally exhausted all the time, so I just stopped showing up. I silenced myself. I don’t want to be seen by anyone.

I finally understood that losing my spark is a form of heartbreak. You had to break down so you can rebuild your person. But picking yourself up after losing your spark takes time and conscious effort – at least that’s how the first half of 2025 has been for me.

I had to be away from everything, and I mean everything. It was radio silence — and after doing that, I asked myself, what’s next?

The answer? Be selfish.

Be selfish and selective. Be selfish with your time and attention. Not everything needs your reaction, believe me. We give so much of our time to the people around us, even when they don’t deserve it and we end up losing ourselves in the process.

I’m now aware that I lost my spark, and I am proactively taking it back. I am moving forward and finding joys in life that make me blush and glow. It’s like meeting a long-lost friend, but that friend is you.

Growth is like shedding.

Growth requires change, and changes are not always beautiful. Being in different stages of our lives change us. Our routines and habits will follow our priorities, and so will our happiness and joys. When change comes, don’t resist it. Instead, embrace it.

I want to end this with a quote that I came across when I didn’t know where or how to pick up my lost self. It left a huge impact on me and served as my guide during the early days of 2025, and it goes something like this:

If you don’t know what to pursue in life right now, pursue yourself first. Pursue becoming the healthiest, happiest, most healed, most present, most confident version of yourself. Then the right path will reveal itself.

Choose yourself first, because no one can do that for you.